Confessions of a Worry Wart

There's a TV commercial for insurance that features a guy, calling himself "Mayhem," who causes all sorts of accidents. I hate those ads. They're like a streaming video of the scenarios that keep me awake at four o'clock in the morning.

My status as a "worry wart" began at a young age, according to my mother. I fretted over each and every "what if." I once ran into my parents' room in the middle of the night because I knew cursing was a sin, and I'd used a swear word in my dream. I wanted my mom to assure me I wasn't going to hell. Although I would later embrace the colorful language that dots my vocabulary, I am still a worrier.

I sat here for a long time staring at the phrase "worry wart," and it started to looked weirder and weirder to me. (Yes, I have no life to speak of.) So I decided to google it and see what happened.

I learned that the phrase is derivative of "worryguts," an English expression that dates back to 1936. There was a comic strip character named "Worry Wart." Then, in 1956, the phrase gained credibility when it was used in a medical tome to define someone who worries needlessly. (Of course, this information has not been exhaustively researched, so it could be complete bollocks. That's the joy of The Google.)

There is some part of me that believes if you worry about something happening, it won't. Therefore, it's worth worrying about. Yes, this is dumb, but it gives justification to my bouts of fear about the future. The trouble is, there will always be things I don't think of to worry about that will blindside me. So in the grand scheme of things, I'd be much better off not thinking about what could happen.

I look up and the sky, calculate the enormity of the universe and my teeny tiny place in it, and try to leave my troubles behind. I count my blessings. I meditate. I take one day at a time. I do exercises to let go and just be. But alas, it's a struggle.

For now, for this moment, for today, I'm going to be thankful for the chance to spend the holidays with my family. I will make a wish that we are all healthy and in good spirits and able to celebrate cheerfully. I will wish in positive ways, and try not to stray into the dark areas around the edges.

Wish me luck!

P.S. I just read my horoscope for today. It says, "Let go of worry, as it is absolutely pointless." I swear, I didn't make this up!