Season's Eatings

Straightaway, let me say that yes, I did borrow the title of this from the SNL Schweddy Balls sketch, which just happened to appear last night on the Best of SNL Christmas special. But I'm pretty sure "Season's Eatings" has been used many times.

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With that out of the way, let's get down to the business of food. 

Thanksgiving invariably brings out all the classic family dishes of our childhood. Someone recently talked about a cucumber/onion/Miracle Whip/vinegar concoction they swear is delicious. (Maybe you had to be there.) Some rave about the iconic green bean casserole with Campbell's Soup cream of mushroom soup and those crunchy onion things, created in 1955 by (you got it) someone from Campbell's Soup kitchen. (I tried making this. Once.) The cranberry debate rages this time of year – canned jellied or fresh cranberries? (I make the latter but use honey to sweeten). 

I'm not even going to get into the stuffing/dressing discussion. Which inevitably begins with "up the bird's ass or no?" and involves a plethora of "secret" ingredients from chestnuts to sausage to seafood. 

Desserts are a little more straightforward – until you get to the topping. There are clearly two camps: Cool Whip and Reddi Whip/fresh. (I read the ingredients on the Cool Whip container once and never bought it again.)

This week, we kept our Thanksgiving on the down-low, as we often do these days. Just me and Mr. Ginley and Maggie Lou. I tried to make it a day off, but I still did a little bit of work baking the cinnamon rolls (well, yes, they were pop & bake, but it's the thought that counts). And the cranberry sauce. The turkey, admittedly, came from Honey Baked Ham. The pumpkin pie was a ready-bake Marie Callender (but it was awfully good, especially with the REDDI WHIP on top). 

I miss the Thanksgivings of my growing up years. My mom was a good cook, and her meals were traditional and tasty. No crazy 1960s trendy BS, just solid classics. Her tea ring, just wow. And her gravy was always to die for. I think good gravy-making is a lost art. 

I thought about my folks a lot on Thanksgiving. Maybe I felt a little like I let my mom down by not making more of an effort preparing the meal. 

On the other hand, I think she understands.

News of the Day

Last night, an episode of the evening news evoked a volley of expletives from Mr. Ginley. Yet again. 

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Yes, it's good to be informed, but it can also be overwhelming to experience wave after wave of death, disease and mayhem and know there's not one stinking thing you can do about it.

Taking a different road, I decided perhaps I would get my news from the local rag. Here are some of the headlines I found:

Ohio Job Situation is Said to Improve
Complete Revision of U.S. Tax Bill

Premiers to Meet on Irish Question

Tells History of Free Love Colony

Makers of Swiss Cheese to Meet

November's First Visible Snow Works No Wonderland Magic

Cleveland-Akron Road is Dedicated

Ignatians Lose to Bellevue

Here Are Six Comedies Well Worth Looking For

More Advice for the Cold Weather Drivers Here

Some Who NEVER Should Marry

Woman All-Around Champion Wins Sock-Darners' Medal

Of course, there were the usual ads for Christmas shopping, advice on cooking Thanksgiving dinner and comic pages.

All-in-all, pretty typical news stuff. 

The date of the paper I was reading – Sunday, November 21, 1921. 

Yes, there were signs that times have changed, particularly in attitudes towards women. In the article about the woman who darned socks, the gist of it was she was rabid about juggling her achievements with caring for her family. Maybe we've moved the needle* a little bit. On the other hand, aren't mothers still feeling guilty if they don't put their families first?

What did amuse me is there were several "women's" pages of fashion and such, which appeared in the paper BEFORE the Sports section. Take that, Babe Ruth.

So, what was the biggest difference between the PD 100 years ago and today's version? The older paper was a whopping 86 pages. 

I imagine how many writers it would take to put together an 86-page newspaper. All tip-tapped on manual typewriters, the copy set by Linotype. And it makes me sad to wonder how much real news is not being covered.

You might surmise that reading the newspaper would be a better choice for Mr. Ginley's blood pressure.

Alas, no. He yells at the fish wrap, too.

*Pun intended.

Contrary to popular belief,
Christmas advertising also started
before Thanksgiving back in the day.

Passing Amusements

They're replacing the Antique Car Ride at Cedar Point. With a restaurant. Another vestige of my childhood down the crapper.

For the uninitiated, the antique cars ran along a set of metal tracks. You "steered" the car and hit the gas to go. There was no brake – the car stopped when you lifted your foot off the gas pedal. 

Granted, I haven't been to Cedar Point in years. All the same, it was nice to know that the antique cars were there, teaching a new generation of youngsters how to rear end their siblings to make their heads snap back. And yes, it was worth it, even if your folks were standing by the sidelines yelling your name and telling you to knock it off.

In all likelihood, I probably wouldn't recognize Cedar Point anymore. Amusement parks are all about the coasters. Ya, I did my share back in the day, but I liked the sky buckets better (unlike Mr. Ginley who was terrified of the height.) I also enjoyed the real steam train that ran between Frontier Land and the rest of the park. 

Anyone of a certain age will tell you the Frontier Paddlewheel Boat Ride featured little tableaus along the riverbank, with a cabin "on fire" and a "bear" chasing a guy onto the roof of his house. My friend, Axel, has some footage from that boat ride that's pretty solid. CP probably got the idea for this from our friends at Disney, who used a lot of these techniques in the early Disneyland days – before they got all jiggy with modern technology.

And now the antique cars are gone, too, as well as the Turnpike Cars, a racier version of the same genre, which featured convertible mini MG-look-alikes. (Who knew MGs could get smaller?) I was so cool behind the wheel of one of those little beauties. 

Other rides that are just a memory include the Space Spiral (a revolving glass cylinder that rose to give you a view of the whole park); Shoot the Rapids, a tame water ride that gave you a soak, which was a boon on hot summer days; and the Sky Slide, for which you'd haul a burlap sack up a LOT of stairs, then choose a lane, plant your seat on the sack and race your siblings down a hilly track to the bottom.

In my earliest Cedar Point memories, each of us kids got an equal number of tickets (much like the dinnertime "1-porkchop apiece" rationing system my mother employed). A few years later, CP came out with bracelets you had to show to ride the rides. My parents, who didn't care about the rides (except the train and overhead buckets), would spend the day watching the shows that the summer college kids performed. Then they would meet us for the picnic lunch Mom had prepared and left at the picnic site. (Hot dogs and baked beans and potato salad.)

Aside from magically appearing for lunch, my oldest siblings would scram, while my sister, Denise, got stuck with me and Paul (when he was old enough to do the rides). We usually spent some time in the Arcade, too, playing (or watching others master) pinball games and Skeeball.

Ah, well. We all move on to big people cars and SUVs and mini-vans. 

Still, I'm a little sad to know I won't be able to watch my future/potential grandchildren slam into each on the Antique Car ride.

I sure hope Memphis Kiddie Park doesn't go away anytime soon.

Getting Chippy

"Can I get one, too?" inquired Mr. Ginley.

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The backstory: He was referring to the microchip Maggie got as part of her insurance coverage. When she had her teeth removed, we were told it would be less exorbitantly expensive to pay for insurance for a year than it would be to pony up for just her dental stuff. Coverage included implanting a microchip in case she ever gets lost or runs away from home (or from Mr. Ginley). 

Anyhow...his comment started me to thinking, "Wouldn't microchips be a good thing for people to have, too?" 

Naturally, as I always do at such times, I turned to the all-knowing Google and asked. And, once again, it seems I'm woefully behind the times. 

Microchipping humans is a thing. A very controversial thing, as it turns out. While those wacky Swedes are at the forefront of the technology – using microchipping to access railway travel and to store social media information – here in Dan'l Boone's home country, we're taking it slower.

In an odd twist of fate, in 2017, it was Wisconsin (transplanted homeland for millions of Swedes) where one controversy sprung up when a vending machine company offered employees the opportunity to get chipped. Lawmakers there freaked out and started writing bills that would prohibit human chipping. 

Then up popped the conspiracy theorists, who promoted a totally wacko theory that Bill Gates was planning to use the COVID vaccine to chip people for tracking purposes. Before anyone goes running to FB to warn friends, family and neighborhood strangers (not that I think any of my regular readers would do this), be assured this bizarre theory was DEBUNKED. Apparently, the Russians got in on this spurious bandwagon, too, and tried to spread it around. (I know, I was shocked and surprised myself.)

Lawmakers here are watching closely because they have security and privacy concerns. Eleven states have already banned mandatory chipping. These fears are legitimate because, like any electronic technology, microchips are ripe for thieves and employers who want to use personal and financial information for evil. (For example, there are concerns your boss would use the chip to track how much time you spend in the potty or at the water cooler.) 

No controversy would be complete without the contribution from the lunatic fringe known as the far religious right. One God-fearing West Virginia worker refused to use an implant to clock in at work because he equated the device to the "mark of the beast," believing it could link him to the anti-Christ. Naturally, when he sued his employer, the plaintiff won, and the company was told it couldn't force Backwards Billy to get a chip.

In case you're interested, the average price for getting a microchip implanted in your hand (between thumb and forefinger) is $150. The chip is about the same size as a grain of rice. 

When I told Mr. Ginley all this, he simply said, "I don't care about having all that personal stuff on a chip. I just want to be chipped in case you try to lose me, so someone can bring me back home."

Having a chip actually seems like a good idea for Alzheimer's patients, who are prone to roaming. And for small children who tend to wander away from mom and dad. On a more unsavory note, it would help police identify dead bodies.

In any event, it looks the only chips entering Mr. Ginley's body will be of the potato or corn variety.

Besides, I suspect he thought he'd have the implant in his shoulder, like the cat, not in his hand, where he would purport to feel it.

Every. Single. Day.