Getting Chippy

"Can I get one, too?" inquired Mr. Ginley.

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The backstory: He was referring to the microchip Maggie got as part of her insurance coverage. When she had her teeth removed, we were told it would be less exorbitantly expensive to pay for insurance for a year than it would be to pony up for just her dental stuff. Coverage included implanting a microchip in case she ever gets lost or runs away from home (or from Mr. Ginley). 

Anyhow...his comment started me to thinking, "Wouldn't microchips be a good thing for people to have, too?" 

Naturally, as I always do at such times, I turned to the all-knowing Google and asked. And, once again, it seems I'm woefully behind the times. 

Microchipping humans is a thing. A very controversial thing, as it turns out. While those wacky Swedes are at the forefront of the technology – using microchipping to access railway travel and to store social media information – here in Dan'l Boone's home country, we're taking it slower.

In an odd twist of fate, in 2017, it was Wisconsin (transplanted homeland for millions of Swedes) where one controversy sprung up when a vending machine company offered employees the opportunity to get chipped. Lawmakers there freaked out and started writing bills that would prohibit human chipping. 

Then up popped the conspiracy theorists, who promoted a totally wacko theory that Bill Gates was planning to use the COVID vaccine to chip people for tracking purposes. Before anyone goes running to FB to warn friends, family and neighborhood strangers (not that I think any of my regular readers would do this), be assured this bizarre theory was DEBUNKED. Apparently, the Russians got in on this spurious bandwagon, too, and tried to spread it around. (I know, I was shocked and surprised myself.)

Lawmakers here are watching closely because they have security and privacy concerns. Eleven states have already banned mandatory chipping. These fears are legitimate because, like any electronic technology, microchips are ripe for thieves and employers who want to use personal and financial information for evil. (For example, there are concerns your boss would use the chip to track how much time you spend in the potty or at the water cooler.) 

No controversy would be complete without the contribution from the lunatic fringe known as the far religious right. One God-fearing West Virginia worker refused to use an implant to clock in at work because he equated the device to the "mark of the beast," believing it could link him to the anti-Christ. Naturally, when he sued his employer, the plaintiff won, and the company was told it couldn't force Backwards Billy to get a chip.

In case you're interested, the average price for getting a microchip implanted in your hand (between thumb and forefinger) is $150. The chip is about the same size as a grain of rice. 

When I told Mr. Ginley all this, he simply said, "I don't care about having all that personal stuff on a chip. I just want to be chipped in case you try to lose me, so someone can bring me back home."

Having a chip actually seems like a good idea for Alzheimer's patients, who are prone to roaming. And for small children who tend to wander away from mom and dad. On a more unsavory note, it would help police identify dead bodies.

In any event, it looks the only chips entering Mr. Ginley's body will be of the potato or corn variety.

Besides, I suspect he thought he'd have the implant in his shoulder, like the cat, not in his hand, where he would purport to feel it.

Every. Single. Day.