The Lost Letters

In the ongoing march to Idiocracy, we've decided it's a good idea to stop teaching cursive.

The brain trust behind this one believes that students use computers anyhow, so they don't need to know how to write in cursive.

No, we don't want our children's children to be able to read historical documents. Or their grandparents' old letters. Or to sign their name to anything. (If an "X" was good enough for any ancestor who never had the opportunity to go school, it should be good enough for the next generation.)

Following this logic, I've come up with other curricula we can eliminate from our schools. No sense in our kids learning stuff they're not going to use every day, right?

So, here we go:

1. Scale back on the math. Young folks don't balance their bank accounts anyhow. Why would they need to? The bank would never shortchange anyone. They never make mistakes. And cash registers scan your purchases and tell the cashier how much you need to pay. The money magically comes out of your debit or credit account. All you have to do is swipe your card. Anyone who really wants to know all that number stuff can take an accounting class. We'll leave it all to the accountants and bankers. They've done a marvelous job so far. (If you don't believe me, ask the Google to look up "2008 banking scandal".)

2.  Don't bother teaching proper English. That's what spell check is for, right? And with a couple taps on your keyboard, your Word program very kindly check your grammar, too. It may not correct all your mistakes, but who cares? The reader will know what you meant. If they can't figure it out, it's on them.

3. History is boring. There's plenty of it online. Just ask Wikipedia. Whether it's right or not doesn't matter. As long as you can say you saw it on the internets, you've got credibility. Or you can watch the History Channel, which broadcasts plenty of shows with educational value. Like Ax Men, Hunting Monsters and Big Foot Captured. If those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it, we're screwed.

Well, you get the point. Dumb children equals cooperative children. Put an idiot in the highest office in the land, convince an uneducated populace he's the smartest person in the world, and they will follow him anywhere.

Is it too early for a drink?