Reading Labels

Someone posted a ha ha on Facebook the other day. The crudely drawn character said something to the effect that before we had electronic devices, the only thing to read in the bathroom was the label on the back of whatever personal care item was handy.

Of course, if you were prescient enough to have brought a paperback with you, there was no need for this. But, for the rest of us, reading material consisted of such riveting copy as “Noxema will soothe your dry skin and leave it feeling soft and smooth.”

On the label, you were instructed to slather the stuff on your face. Then remove with a tissue or by splashing your kisser with warm water and gently toweling dry. Or somesuch.

I became an avid label reader. Frequent material included such popular brands as Vaseline, Aqua Velva, Colgate, Aqua Net, Nair and Alberto VO-5. (Does anyone lather, rinse AND repeat?)

Maybe that’s what planted the seed in my brain that would later grow into a talent for writing product descriptions. With a battery of adjectives at my disposal, how could I go wrong?

Smooth, sleek, shiny, lovely, soft, bracing, neat, clean, brisk, attractive.

And let’s not forget the allure built into each product, that ability to attract the opposite sex. (Okay, potty minds, I’m not talking about the Vaseline now.)

These days, I’m often armed with my smart phone or Kindle when I plan to spend a little time in the powder room. But one day recently, I ventured into the nearby cupboard and pulled out some reading material: a small bottle of lotion.

There wasn’t much copy. What was there was very small. Maybe it’s because they had to translate it into French, too. But it was the bare bones. Just something about applying it generously and keeping it out of the reach of children. Plus lots and lots of ingredients.

I decided to try again. This time, I selected a room freshener. The copy wasn’t any sexier. It was chock full of cautions and environmental facts. Half of it was in Spanish.

Does anyone else ever try to cop a quick language lesson by comparing the English wording to the Spanish?

Maybe it’s just me.

It usually is.