Last year, I decided to lose weight. Which I did, over the course of five painstaking months. Then I fell and messed up my right knee. Twice. (I still can't feel my kneecap.)
I wasn't able to exercise for a couple of months. Then when I could, I found it impossible to get the motivation going. So here I am, one year later and back where I started.
Maybe it's like a jinx. Maybe you just need to get in the habit of eating the right things and walking a few extra paces every day. Stop talking and thinking about it and just do.
I must say, though, in the current climate of our country, it's very difficult not to console oneself with one too many servings of potato chips or an extra chocolate bar. Yet, as I say this, I can hear every self-help guru shout from the wings, "you can't use food as a crutch."
Sure, sure, I know that. And yet...
As I struggle with depression and repress the urge to overindulge, I wonder what it is I can do that will make me feel better. The world outside is extremely cold and crunchy. And I don't think it's going to thaw anytime soon.
Maybe I will just stay inside today and read a book. Or crank up my binge watching of Gilmore Girls. Or, even better, put together another jigsaw puzzle. That way, my hands will be busy and I won't be able to shove food into my face.
Or maybe I will just wing it. See what the day brings. Not seize the day, but the let the day come to me.
Gee, I wish I was as smart as I was at 21, when I had all the answers. When the road was clear, and I knew exactly what I wanted from life. Ha ha.
Funny how life bites you in the ass. How you can plot and plan and end up chasing your tail.
I like to think I've come a long way, baby. But I think it's just been a big circle.
Maybe that's what it's all about.
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