It All Ads Up

Cutting back on cable has left us with the basic channels. Which means we are seeing a lot more commercials these days.

Most of the time, I'm able to tune them out, but some of them get to me after awhile, particularly as they are repeated over and over.

For example, there's the GMC truck commercial. Apparently, this particular model has a fancy-schmancy tailgate that folds in all kinds of crazy ways, like a Transformer toy.

In the ad, the truck sails down the road, and as it passes an off-brand truck dealership, the mouths of the two salesmen drop open, and the tailgates on a line of trucks fall open, too. Clever, that.

This was all well and good, until the next iteration of the ads came out. While a chorus of "na-na-hey-hey-goodbye" chants in the background, a smug thirty-something guy stands on a mountaintop while thousands of men, women and children carrying plain old tailgates scale the mountain toward their swami.

I get this is supposed to be someone's idea of powerful imagery, but all I can think is, "So, what happens to all the tailgates when those zombies reach the mountaintop? And what about those now-tailgate-less trucks that are doomed to wander the highways and byways while the contents of their flatbeds spew across the road?"

Then there are the lawyers who advertise. All the commercials start out the same way. "If you or a loved one..."

I suppose you could argue these ads are educational. The nasty chemicals you pour into the earth are carcinogenic. (Shocking.) Mesothelioma is caused by asbestos. And you shouldn't put talcum powder in your hooch because it can cause cancer.

But perhaps my favorite of all the ads that come screaming across my television screen are the ones for prescription drugs. The ones you are supposed to ask your doctor about. They tell you about the terrible side effects while people frolic as if to belie the awful things they are in danger of experiencing.

Studies have shown the happy-go-lucky actors in these ads really do go a long way to alleviating people's fears.

"Oh, look, my boyfriend has a crippling gastric disorder, but he still made it here to meet my parents, and we can take walks in the meadow, and he doesn't have to run to the can every five minutes, thanks to this drug he's taking."

Oh my.

I should count my blessings, I suppose. At least we don't have cigarette commercials anymore. Those didn't end well.

Just ask the Marlboro Man.