Exercising My Right to Speculate

A few years ago, I made a resolution to lose weight by exercising regularly and eating better. 

While I've been slacking on the eating part of the equation (damn you, Golden Double Stuf Oreos), I've been pretty good about exercising on weekdays (and sometimes Saturday).

Let's face it, though, exercising can get pretty boring, especially when you're watching the same DVDs over and over. So every now and again, I pick up a different routine from the library's collection and give it a whirl.

This week, the not-so-young but fit-as-a-fiddle instructor and her band of merry workout sadists performed their routine at Red Rock State Park in Arizona. I confirmed this in the credits, because I wanted to make sure there weren't any green-screen shenanigans involved in the production.

The reason I was so curious about the setting was that as I exercised, I noted one of the women kept moving backward and seemed dangerously close to the edge of a cliff.

In hindsight, I believe this was a genius move. Rather than worrying about sore muscles, I was watching avidly to see how close she would get to the edge without tumbling off. Would the other two women notice that she wasn't there anymore? If she did a reverse step into the abyss, would the production continue and her screams simply be removed from the audio?

These are the kind of dark thoughts I have while I push my body this way and that to keep up with the instructor. 

Sadly, this isn't the only video in which I've pondered the fate of the instructor and/or her minions.

Many of the DVDs I possess are Leslie Sansone walking videos. She started doing these in the 1980s and from what I can tell from googling, she now has her own exercise app. She's easy to follow, and done right, I can get in a good workout. (Yes, I realize uber-fit 20-somethings won't find it challenging enough, but I don't need to blow out my knees at this point.)

Anyhow, as I go through my paces on one of the routines, my mind starts to wander. Leslie seems to be flirting pretty heavily with "Nick," one of the backup exercisers. She asks him to show her how to jab and punch, after which she says, "I never knew that was called a jab." To which I called "BS" because she'd been jabbing for at least 20 years before that video was made. She then attempts to deflect any hint of favoritism by calling out the names of the other exercisers, but her giggly, girly repartee with Nick doesn't fool anyone, I'm sure. 

Okay, so I know what you're all thinking at this point. I have a sad little life. Granted, none of this is earth shattering, but frankly, given the state of the world, I'm okay with focusing on dumb stuff. If I talk about all that's going on around me that I can't control, I'll just put myself into a downward spiral. And that's not productive.

Instead, I'll just continue to speculate on Leslie and her posse. 

And wonder how, unlike me, she's managed to avoid getting that flap of skin under the triceps – the one that goes "wocka, wocka, wocka" every time I move my arm.