Beware the Jabberwock

When I was in fifth grade, I had to memorize Lewis Carroll's poem The Jabberwocky. It's a nonsense poem, and rumor has it he was under the influence when he wrote it.

My little must-have.

These days, when I open the newspaper, I feel as though I'm being transported back in time, reading those nonsensical lines.

'Twas brillig and the slivy toves...

This morning, for example, I read how lawmakers want to remove the tax on firearms because they're a necessity. They even had the balls to compare weaponry to baby formula and women's feminine products.

The last time I checked, baby formula and tampons were actually must-haves. Babies gotta eat, and women gotta...well, you know. 

If we're going to set laws establishing what constitutes life's necessities, I'd like to offer up my own list of things that shouldn't be taxed because they're vital to my well-being.

Music. If it weren't for down-and-dirty rock, nostalgic pop throwbacks and guilty easy-listening pleasures, I wouldn't be able to get through my day. 

Books. Reading is fundamental. I know that's true, because I saw it in an ad campaign once upon a time. (Although I did find it ironic that people who don't read may not know what "fundamental" means.)

Bubble Bath. It relaxes me. And it smells real nice.

Margaritas. I've lately discovered these little cans that contain just enough alcohol to send me to my happy place. A necessity, indeed.

Jigsaw Puzzles. They relax me, and I've read that they may stave off dementia. Emotional and mental health support in 500 or 1,000 little pieces. 

Art. This one might be a little tricky. While some art touches my soul, there's a lot of crap I could do without. I'll get back to you on this.

Toilet Paper. Please explain to me why this is NOT a necessity. Go ahead, I'm waiting...

Clothes. No one besides Mr. Ginley wants to see me without them, so this is as much a necessity for others as it is for me.

I'm willing to negotiate. I'll gladly continue to pay taxes on my "necessities" if lawmakers drop their proposed tax exemption on weapons. Keep in mind that taxes pay for our children's education, libraries, road maintenance and public services. If we don't pay taxes, we'll be paying a steeper price down the road.

Okay, I'm stepping down off my soapbox now. 

Feel free to chime in with any necessities I may have missed.