The Movement, Stalled

I've been reading Nora Ephron's book, Crazy Salad, a series of essays about women written in the early 1970s.

The experiences she's had resonate with me, although they are slightly ahead of my time. I was raised by a woman who held traditional beliefs about marriage, family and faith. My mom, like the majority of women in her generation, quit work at some point in her first pregnancy and stayed home to raise her children and keep the home fires burning. She was so good at this, I wanted desperately to follow in her footsteps. 

At the tender age of 20, I married a man I believed with all my heart was my life partner. There are some 20-year-olds who are lucky enough to be right about this. I was not one of them. In three years, my marriage was toast, and I realized that I was more like my dad than my mom. I was not cut out to be a housewife and raise a passel of children.

Instead, I threw myself into my job. I decided I wasn't going to have any children.

Fortunately, I made this decision at a time when it was becoming fashionable to do so. The women's movement had been gaining momentum, and suddenly it wasn't expected that women stay home. Day care centers popped up. The tide turned. It became more of the norm for women to work outside the home. 

Of course, tides being what they are, they turned again, and it is now considered a luxury to be able to afford to stay home with your children.

One wonders what progress, if any, the women's movement has made in the last 40+ years. It's a sort of "two steps forward, one step back" scenario.

One the one hand, we have a woman running for president. But she is called out for ridiculous things her male counterparts would never be.

Women are far more prevalent in the workplace, but often are still not making the same money as the men who hold the same positions.

And, probably worst of all, if you follow Facebook, which is a fairly realistic microcosm of our society, women are still sniping each other based on their choices. Which is what the women's movement is supposed to be about. The right of each individual woman to choose how she wants to live her life, whether she stays home with her kids, is a working mom or decides not to have any children...whether she marries a man or a woman or remains unattached.

That's the goal here. The ability to make choices without getting crap from women who chose something else.

As most of you reading this know, I went on to marry again. And I had a child. At one point in my pregnancy, Mr. Ginley and I sat down and had a discussion about who was going to take care of the baby. He stepped up and said he would stay home while I worked. He is a wonderful dad, and most folks would agree our now-college-age son has turned out pretty well. But my husband took a lot of flak about being "Mr. Mom." The thing that frosted me was many of the snide comments he got were from women who should have known better.

And so it goes. Maybe the women's movement is not just about choices for women. Maybe it's about men and women choosing their roles, deciding what works best for them.

If we all look at it from that perspective, how can anyone be against equal rights? Having asked the question, of course, I know how. Too many people believe their rights are more important than the rights of others, because the others are a different gender or race.

I have no idea how to wrap this up. There are no quick answers. And people have been the same since the beginning of time.

Maybe the only thing to do is sigh. Walk away from the keyboard. And have a little chocolate to console myself.


There are some Malley's chocolate hearts around here somewhere...

Overloading the Circuits

Here is a typical conversation at our home:

Mr. Ginley: "Have you seen the letter opener?"

Me: "I haven't touched your letter opener."

Mr. Ginley: "I know you don't use it, but have you seen it?"

Me: "No. Try looking for something else, and you'll find it."

This happens frequently, with one or the other of us in search of some minor household item that has gone astray.

Often, it only takes a moment. I start to head out the door, for example, and I set down my keys. After completing the task that distracted me, I pick up my purse and realize my keys are now gone. I retrace my steps and find that, against all logic, I left them in the freezer when I pulled out the package of hamburger for dinner.

One of the most common items to go missing is my phone. I can't give you a precise number of the times I've asked my husband or son to call me so I can follow the ringing to its hiding place. Of course, this is a fine trick for phones, which are able to tell you where they are, but for most things, there's usually some tearing out of hair that occurs before the object is located.

Young people will smirk and tell you that it's an age thing. But I've witnessed enough episodes with my 20-something son to know it's not.

I choose to believe it's because there's so much going on in my cranium, I've become absent-minded about the trivial stuff. The trouble is, sometimes the trivial becomes not so trivial. For example, if I've got something in the oven and I turn off the timer because it's almost but not quite done, then I walk away, and before I know it, it's too far beyond done.

Or when I go to get something out of the refrigerator that I'm absolutely positive I purchased at the grocery store, only to discover it in the trunk of my car, where it's been sitting for two days in 80 degree heat.

There's an old Disney movie called The Absent-Minded Professor. Fred MacMurray invents Flubber, but he forgets to show up for his own wedding. I feel like that some days. Except, of course, I'm not responsible for discovering anything that will rock the world.

I think I need a plan. Maybe I'll start wearing clothes that have big pockets so I can carry all of the essentials with me. Or pin notes to myself. And get clips for my gloves so I can attach them to my coat, the way my mom did when I was little. I could start to carry a timer with me so I don't lose track of time (although I'd probably forget why I set the timer in the first place).

Or maybe I just need to be more mindful. Hmm. That's probably the best idea of all. I think I'll write that down.

Now, where did I leave my pen...

Random Yearnings

Sometimes when I'm feeling low, I take a toodle through my Facebook page.

Occasionally, I'll come across a group photo of people I've never met but who look intriguing. And I give the folks depicted in the photo a personality. They are uber-cool, generous with their smiles and laughter, kind-hearted, old souls one and all.

I fantasize we're sitting at a table talking and laughing. We each order something different from the menu and compare. Maybe even sample each other's meals. Then witty banter ensues. I am particularly amusing, and my dinner companions chortle appreciatively.

For dessert, we go decadent. Chocolate mousse. Or tiramisu. We all groan with contentment. As we sip our coffees and our cognacs, they share stories about their latest adventures. Antiquing in New York. A romp through small towns and unusual places in the Northwest. A retreat-style weekend in Santa Fe. I sit back and watch in wonder, trying to drink in every moment. Thirsty to burn each detail into my brain.

The evening winds down, we embrace and make plans for our next get-together.

And I am warm with the memories I've never had.

Later, it occurs to me that I've drawn on the people in my life to create the personalities of those in the photo. Maybe what I really wish is that I could gather all of them together at a table, those living and those passed, and enjoy one hell of a banquet.

Now, that would be something.

My Beautiful Winter Staycation

I decided sometime in December that it was time for me to bite the bullet and take an entire week of vacation. I reserved the dates -- January 18-22 -- and made a plan for how to spend my time off.

Welcome to the Casa de Ginley

There were rules. And a bucket list. Now it's time to look back and see how I did.

1. Sleep in Every Day
Technically, 7:15 IS sleeping in, since I'm usually up between 5:30 and 6:00 a.m. every morning.

2. See the new Star Wars movie
Mission accomplished. You have all probably seen it by now. We wanted to wait until the crowd had died down, which we also accomplished, since there were only two other people in the theater. Like most movies with a lot of hoo-ha surrounding them, I went in a skeptic and came out a skeptic. It was entertaining, but I didn't think it was much different from the original Star Wars movie. (Mr. Ginley used the word "derivative" a lot.)

3. Return Joe to School and Visit Half Price Books
This became a two-parter. We took the lad back on Monday, but the weather was so crappy, we dropped him off and came right back. We returned Friday to shop at HPB and took Joe to lunch. He bought himself a real suit (not off the rack), and we took him to pick it up. Grey pinstripe. Very nice.

4. Watch Lots of Old Movies
I watched The Ghost and Mrs. Muir. There are still two days left, and I'm planning on watching another before the end of my vacation. The hard part is deciding which one. We've also been watching a lot of Johnny Carson. One of the networks has been showing the old Tonight shows in their entirety (mostly).

5. Avoid Checking Work Email or Calling In
This morning, for the first time since I walked out of work, I took a look-see at my work email. There are 450 emails waiting for me. They can wait a little longer. I didn't hear a peep from my peeps at work. Except I did ask Steph yesterday if everything was okay, and she said it was "quiet." Maybe that's cheating, I'm not sure.

6. Spend One Day at Home Hunkering Down
Tuesday was it. We didn't budge. The snow swirled, the wind howled, and we were snug as bugs inside.

7. Watch Some Old TV Shows
I didn't know the Brady Bunch and Petticoat Junction were on early in the morning. Columbo, too. I had this weird memory of when I wanted to be just like Betty Jo, married to a hunk like Steve, with a beautiful baby and the support of the entire Hooterville community. And they say girls today have unrealistic role models! The only trouble with watching these shows (aside from the fact that they are chopped up to cram in all of the extra commercials) is the advertisements. Apparently, the network thinks the only folks who watch these shows are octogenarians banging on death's door. There are ads galore for drugs that promise to heal just about anything (if they don't kill you), life insurance and incontinence pads.

8. Do a Little Sewing
This remains on my list. I did stitch up a pair of Joe's pants and mend a pillow, but I have miles to sew before I sleep.

9. Keep Active
I didn't want to be a total coach potato. So I did manage to work out most days. On the down side, I've been fighting a cold the whole time, which has worked itself into tonsilitis. I'm hoping it goes away this weekend.

10. Shut up About Not Taking an Entire Week Off
This is my gift to my co-workers. I've been like a broken record, saying I haven't taken off an entire week since 2007 when I went on the cruise. Now they are free of my refrain. I hope they enjoyed this week without me (and my rants). I promise to try and be better about my crabbing. (You'll notice I said "to try" and not simply "to be." That's my "Get Out of Jail Free" card.)

Who knew being away from work for a week could be so cathartic? And I had the power all along. I didn't even need the ruby slippers.

There's no place like home...

Dietary Ramblings

Scientists did a study of ancient bones and discovered that folks had the same rate of heart disease as we do today. Thus putting into question the theory that we are more prone to heart attack because of our modern diet.

Gratuitous Cat Photo

Of course, there are other scientists who have pooh-pooh'ed the findings, saying the studies are inconclusive, etc. That's how they roll.

In another story, a guy is writing a book about a study he did of obese youngsters. One group got a diet of processed food and stuff that was low-fat, while the other group got a selection of natural foods that had some fat. Not surprisingly (to me, anyhow), the kids who ate the low-fat products did poorly compared to their compatriots.

Lessons learned:
1. Stay away from all soda, including diet soda.
2. Minimize junk food intake. This includes low-fat snacks.
3. There is good fat and bad fat. Good fat can help you lose the bad fat.

Also, "vegan" is not synonymous with "healthy." I was in the vitamin store yesterday and overheard a conversation between the clerk and a woman who was asking about vegan cookies. His response was, they fill them with vegetable fat and sugar and they still taste like crap.

They have also lowered the numbers for what constitutes diabetes and obesity, so by definition, there are more Americans who fall into these categories. I haven't seen any studies that include the change in criteria. (Although, surely someone has, somewhere.)

So, although I'm not a scientist (and I don't play one on TV), it seems to me that rumors of our health crisis may be slightly exaggerated.

The upshot is, eat healthy foods as much as possible, get off your duff and move around during the day as much as you can, eat a little less of the things you love that aren't good for you. Remember, moderation is key.

And, yes, relax and be kind to yourself. Stress is bad for you. That includes stressing about what you eat.

Sermon over. I've got some cool cats waiting to provide me with my own stress relief.

Chain of Fools

Getting mail was a big deal back in the day.

I remember my excitement, then puzzlement, one day when I opened the envelope and out came a chain letter.

I'd never seen one before. I read it through. At the bottom was a list of names, ending with mine. Each name ahead of mine had been crossed out. The instructions were to copy the letter*, cross out my name, and add the name of each of my 10 friends/victims at the bottom. I don't remember the reward,  it was something nebulous like, if I did what the letter told me to do, I'd have good luck. There was also the threat that terrible things would befall me if I threw the letter away.

Being the naive dolt I was (no wisecracks, please), I ran to my mom in tears. I didn't have the money for all those stamps, and I didn't know the addresses of 10 of my schoolmates to send the letter to. She sat me down and explained that nothing bad would happen and I should just throw the letter away.

"But what if all my friends do it, and I break the chain?" I sobbed.

"Just because your friends are willing to spend good money on something silly, doesn't mean you have to."

So, I threw the letter away and waited for signs of Armageddon. I was certain my friends would know I was the one who broke the chain, and I would be ostracized forever. Or a meteor would strike the earth, a plague would be visited upon my house, or I would fail my next math test.

Of course, nothing happened.

One would imagine that, with the dawn of modern technology, there would come an end to chain letters.

Of course not.

From time to time, I would receive an email that was much like the letter I received via snail mail. The only difference was it was so easy to send to a ton of people, and it didn't cost anything, so those snarky things lived on for a long time. It got so bad for awhile, the company I work for issued a policy banning them from company email.

As a result, I haven't seen one for awhile. Then came Facebook.

Now I get posts that tell me if I feel a certain way but don't share the post, I'm a dirty, rotten scoundrel. I hide these posts. Even when I do think what they are initially sharing is a good thing. Just because I don't like to be threatened.

If you agree with me, be sure and share this post.

Or the goblins will git you if you don't watch out!**

*It had to be a handwritten copy. No, youngster, we didn't have photocopiers in them days.

**With a nod to Charles Whitcomb Riley. Denise and Paul know what I'm talking about.

Resolving the Future

Well, it's that time of year again...time to make a bunch of promises to myself that I'll not likely be keeping.

For inspiration, I went to my daily newspaper's advice column. Dear Abby suggested I adopt the Al-Anon credo. These steps are common to what many religions and self-help groups use as a path to enlightenment.

Me being me, I took the steps and put my own little spin on them to create my list of resolutions. Let me know what you think.

Just for today...

...I will live through this day only. Any sarcastic comments I may or may not have made about a certain person or persons are in the past, and I will not say they really shouldn't dress themselves like they are in their 20s because those days are long, long gone.  

 ...I will be happy. Sunshine on my shoulder makes me happy. John Denver sang that song. But he's dead. Well, that didn't go to happy place. I'll try that one again tomorrow.

...I will accept what is, fix what I can and leave the rest alone. I can't fix the fact that I'm getting old and creaky. But I can do something about being overweight. There's a donut over there with my name on it. I can fix this. Let's be friends, Mr. Cruller!

...I will improve my mind. By watching news programs on TV. I can trust them to deliver current events to my living room in a fair and balanced way. I know this because they say so. And they would never lie. Over and over again.

...I will be agreeable. This one is easy. There's not a snarky bone in my body. Ask anyone. Well, okay, don't ask her. Or him. Or that guy over there...

...I will take responsibility for my own actions. Especially when I do something good. I want to be sure everybody knows about it.

There, now. That wasn't so bad. Re-reading my list, I think I've covered everything. Oops, I need to add one more of my own.

Just for today...I will be totally serious.

There, that should do it. Happy New Year, everyone!