Those of you familiar with this yearly missive may join me in waxing nostalgic. Or perhaps you will give thanks that we dispensed with this particular tradition. (In which case, you should probably stop reading right here.)
In any case, I thought it might be fun to do a "greatest hits" from the yearly letters, which were written over the course of 21 years, from 1992-2012.
I've included some recurring characters. The scores from the OSU games have been omitted (sorry/not sorry, Mr. Ginley).
So, without further ado...
October 1992
Bill and Barb buy a new house. It has five bedrooms and two bathrooms. A small Korean family moves into the basement.
September 1993
As Barb's due date draws near, Bill begins to shop the local Sears' baby department. He finally locates a baby that looks like a keeper. He is named Joseph Francis and he bears a remarkable resemblance to his dad. Best of all, he is 50% off the ticketed price. (Bill always was a smart shopper.)
December, 1994
The family prepares for the holidays with a visit to Santa Claus. Unfortunately, Jolly 'Ole St. Nick is hitting the eggnog a little too hard. Looks like Mother is getting strippers, Bill will receive tickets to the Children's Farm to see the calves play, Barb can expect scented bass oil and Joe is getting a big purple Barney Fife.
April 1995
After being pushed, pulled and whacked on the head repeatedly by Joe, Marge [the cat] quietly plots her revenge. Bill is able to stop her just before she slips a little vodka in Joe's juice.
June 1996
Barb's sister, Diane, comes to stay while working at a job in Strongsville. Her first night, she locks herself in her room and wails, "They're nuts, God help me, they're nuts!"
March 1997
The Korean family firmly established elsewhere, the Ginleys decide to rent out their basement to Magnus ver Magnusson, formerly the World's Strongest Man, whose presence comes in handy when it's time to clean behind the refrigerator.
October 1998
Joe meets the President of the United States [Bill Clinton]. (For real.) He doesn't realize whom he has shaken hands with -- he only gets excited when Bill tells him he can tell his friends. And no, you rotten cynics, Joe didn't wash his hand afterward!
April 1999
Bill is surprised on his birthday when Meg Ryan stops by to wish him a Happy 40th. Just as she is about to bestow pleasures heretofore unimagined, Barb wakes him up.
April 2000
Forced by powers beyond their control, the Ginleys visit the Bide-a-Wee Cat Shelter, where a saucy feline performs the Vulcan mind meld. They are compelled to take her home and call her "Mabel."
January 2001
Having been informed by his doctor that he must lose weight and exercise, Bill says, "So long, Mr. Goodbar," "Au Revoir, Dr. Pepper" and "Goodbye, Mr. Chips."
April 2002
Joe hits a foul shot from the foul line at the Gund Arena after a Cavaliers game. They offer to sign him up, but Joe's agent holds out for that "sixth year."
May 2003
For our 15th (crystal) anniversary, Barb sells her CD player to buy Bill a watch crystal. Bill sells his watch to surprise Barb with a Crystal Gale CD. O. Henry!
March 2004
Barb finally receives a coveted promotion to Copy Manager. Xerox promptly sends her a complimentary ream of paper.
September 2005
Rather than celebrating his birthday, we instead celebrate the completion of Joe's first rotation of Jupiter around the sun (which happens once every 12 years).
March 2006
Joe, along with his Uncle Michael, visits his Uncle Brian in sunny LA, while Barb and Bill pine away for him in cold, snowy Cleveland. Joe visits the San Diego Zoo, Disneyland, Universal Studios and the Rose Bowl. Barb and Bill visit with Big Boy, Burger King and Colonel Sanders.
March 2007
Barb wins the Achievement of Excellence Award at work, entitling her and Bill to cruise the Caribbean. An unhappy Bill realizes the u-boats that once missed his Dad will now have a shot at him.
October 2008
Mr. Clean dies. In his memory, we decide to throw all of our garbage in the corners and refuse to clean the house. We fly a dirty dish rag at half staff for the entire month. The first man we knew who wore an earring. He will be missed.
October 2009
Looking for something a bit more sophisticated to participate in at school, Joe joins the Billiards Club at St. Ignatius. "Now we got trouble, right here in River City..."
March 2010
Romper, bomper, stomper do. Who'll no longer be watching you? Miss Barbara. That's who. Miss Barbara from Romper Room passes away. At last, finally free to be a "Don't Bee!"
September 2011
Our warranty runs out on the 22nd. I guess we'll just have to keep Joe now. Sears wouldn't even take him in trade on a newer model!
August 2012
Joe starts his college career at John Carroll University. With Joe now in a dorm, we invite Chuck to come back home. Oh Happy Days!
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