Given that we are celebrating on the down-low, I have many things to be thankful for. There is no need to join the fray of crazed shoppers in a quest for the perfect gift. I didn't have to strain my noggin to come up with a list of stuff for my loved ones to buy me. And I've had to give zero consideration as to whether to acquire an ugly sweater to wear to a work function.
Mr. Ginley and I will spend our December 25th in our sweats, noshing and watching a selection of classic movies we've already procured from our local library. We'll talk about Christmases past. Laugh about the time his mom had a little too much wine but awoke with no after-effects. Or when my sister came home from a date and caught my little brother scoping out the loot one Christmas Eve.
The lack of hoo-ha may not be everyone's cup of tea, but it works for us.
Meanwhile, to support my original theme of giving thanks, I've compiled a list of The 12 Gifts of Christmas I will be thankful not to get this year.
1. Scratch the World Travel Map. The theory is, you scratch off the places on the map you've visited over the course of the year. Given our heady jet-set romps, the map would remain largely unscratched, except for Ohio, which would be obliterated.
2. Bambüsi Bamboo Cheese Board. Our personal food guru is Alton Brown, who says you should avoid purchasing a gadget that does only one thing. It just clutters up your kitchen cupboards, and when you do need to use it, you'll forget where you put it.
3. Skin Gym Facial Roller. No one will be surprised that I'm not up on make-up trends. Apparently, this little knick-knack rolls over your face to do something that makes you look younger. To me, it looked like the rollers we used during paste-up to keep copy in place on mechanicals. (Chris and Kim and Judie will know what I'm talking about.)
4. Name Earrings. In all the years I worked for a jeweler, I never did get my ears pierced. Mostly because my hair was so thick, it covered my ears, so you wouldn't be able to see the earrings anyhow. Also because it was one more thing to have to think about in the morning. Even if I did have pieced ears, however, I would not get eponymous earrings. The cashier at Heinen's already knows my name, it's on my checks.
5. Golden Girls Chia Pet. Some would argue that Chia Pets are a classic holiday gift. I've even known folks who read the instructions and followed the progress of the sprouts as they sprang forth. Different strokes, I guess. I never had a pet rock, either.
6. Tiki Tunes. A pair of wireless speakers depicting tiki torches may be the star of the show for someone's outdoor luau, but I'll pass, thanks. Aloha (meaning "goodbye," in this case.)
7. Long Distance Touch Lamps. The perfect gift for the helicopter mom, one lamp remains at home while the other, presumably, sits in her child's dorm room at college. Equipped with wi-fi, when one person touches their lamp, the other lamp lights up. Ah, I can picture the tender scene, young Sally sitting in her room on Saturday night, periodically tapping her lamp, so Mom knows she is thinking about her. I can't think of any scenario where this doesn't end in heartbreak for Mom. So, nope.
8. Candles. I love candles, but I confine their use to bath time, when I can close the door and keep the cat out. Kitties are fascinated by the flame, and I've had nightmares about Maggie catching fire and running around the house, setting the place ablaze.
9. Darth Vader Clapper. Clap on, clap off, welcome to the dark side, Luke. I'll grant you, this has high kitsch value, but once you've done your parlor trick for guests, it would get old pretty quickly. Perhaps if it had a 30-day return policy...
10. Genetic Ethnicity Test. Mr. Ginley and I have done lots of genealogical research. His family hails from Ireland. Mine is mostly from Germany and Switzerland. No need for an expensive test. That was easy!
11. GPS Smart Dog Collar. Also an easy "no thanks," given that we don't have a dog. Although it might come in handy for Maggie the Magnificent, who can make herself magically disappear and reappear with a casual, "Oh, you were looking for me?"
12. Wireless Home Security System. If Santa wants to know if I've been naughty or nice, he'll just have to figure it out the old-fashioned way.
A very Happy/Merry/Jolly Christmas/Hanukkah/Festivus. I hope you all find peace and solace in whichever way you choose to spend your day.
And I hope Santa brings you all your heart desires!
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