Survey Says

"Tell us about your experience."

photo credit below

Delete.

"How did we do?"

Delete.

"Give us a few minutes of your time."

Delete.

Every time I do just about anything, a survey shows up in my email or on my sales receipt – or I get a text asking for feedback. This has happened after I've:

• Eaten at a restaurant

• Gone to the doctor

• Had my taxes prepared

• Talked with a customer service rep on the phone

• Mailed a package at the post office

• Had my car serviced

I've even been asked for my opinion from the grocery store, but only for certain cashiers – the ones who are on probation, maybe? 

There was a time when I kind of enjoyed doing surveys. We were a Neilsen family many moons ago. Some guy came to our apartment and hooked us up so they could tell what we were watching on TV.

I was also asked to join a company that regularly emails me surveys. But I think I'm ready to drop out of that. They take 15 to 20 minutes to complete, are repetitive and ask me things I'm not comfortable sharing. Also, they had promised some kind of "rewards," which turned out to be the bullshit kind that are almost impossible to use. So aside from some sort of personal satisfaction about my opinion being heard, there's really no point in wasting my time.

No one really wants to know what I'm thinking, anyhow. It's a weird place up there, and I'm confident I don't represent anyone but me when I click on the boxes.

And what about questionnaires, the kissing cousin of surveys? I'm guessing some social media sneak uses them as a way to capture a little personal 411 so they can sell you stuff – isn't that what everything is about? 

Anyhow, last week, there was a question in my Chat group about what spirit animals we all were. There was a stupid questionnaire that I filled out online, asking me things like "What's your ideal vacation?" and "What's your dream vehicle?" Trouble was, none of my true answers were an option, so I had to punt. I know you're all in suspense. What's my spirit animal? 

A seahorse. 

Really, a seahorse? I mean, they are kind of cute. But what is their personality?

If it's anything like mine, I guess that means a seahorse is an irascible smart ass who doesn't like to socialize. 

But I digress.

Possibly, there are those of you who love to tell companies whether you're very satisfied, satisfied, don't give a shit one way or the other, unsatisfied, very unsatisfied or angry to the point of murder. As for me, I prefer to keep them guessing.

Unless they're going to give me something. Then all bets are off.

In which case, I'll fill out the online survey, tell you I love you and take my free sandwich. 

Even if the clerk was a rude zombie who forgot to give me my pickle. 

Photo attribution: Loraine Calderoni, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons